Issue Fifty and a Half(ling): Fun Facts II

,__________________________________________________________.
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|                         ____.–––––._                     |
|             _.––––._.––’ THE      ~ \ .–––––.            |
|          .–’.    o  \  .   COMMON    | .  C  \           |
|         (    0       |  )    TATER   /  ,   O|           |
|          `–._____.––’`–.__________.–’`–.___.–’           |
|                                                          |
|                       Issue 50.5                         |
|             FUN FACTS II: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO              |
|                      June 17, 2012                       |
|                                                          |
|  Issue #1 of The Common Tater was published by Mithgil & |
| Larek in May 2003, Can you believe it’s been Nine years? |
| Let’s take look at an overview of the papers we’ve       |
| published over the years.                                |
|                                                          |
|Statistics*:                                              |
|                                                          |
|    issues:                : 51                           |
|    special editions       : 10                           |
|    words                  : 76051                        |
|    characters (w/o spaces): 400484                       |
|    ascii “pages”          : 271                          |
|    google doc pages       : 298                          |
|    articles               : 221                          |
|    “advertisements”       : 51                           |
|    editors                : 11                           |
|    contributors           : 49                           |
|        |                  : 24244                        |
|       the                 : 1932                         |
|        of                 : 1898                         |
|        to                 : 1884                         |
|    The Common Tater       : 129                          |
|    Common Tater           : 146                          |
|                                                          |
| Now you might be thinking; “Meril, that’s all very well  |
|and good, but those are just numbers about a paper that   |
|has been on haitus since November 2008. What is this      |
|thing and what use is it?”                                |
|                                                          |
| To which I will first answer, that given its age, and    |
|the relative amount of personality it has compared to     |
|some people I know... its kind of like its own person.    |
|Wanna see? I can prove it!                                |
|                                                          |
|I have co–opted a mage to help me with this, apparently   |
|there’s some sort of spell that can determine gender of   |
|an object or objects from how they orate**.               |
|                                                          |
| Genre: Formal                                            |
|   Female = 70865                                         |
|   Male   = 95493                                         |
|   Difference = 24628; 57.4%                              |
|   Verdict: Weak MALE                                     |
|                                                          |
| Weak emphasis could indicate European.                   |
|                                                          |
| So there you have it, the CT is just some guy, ya know?  |
| More to the point, he’s a guy that KNOWS things.         |
|                                                          |
|_________________________________________________________/
,__________________________________________________________.
|                                                       (2)|
|                                                          |
| So what does our guy CT know about? Don’t worry, as you  |
|probably guessed, I’m gonna tell you.                     |
|                                                          |
| First and foremost, CT knows about the Shire and Hobbits.|
|He was born to help get the word out to the citizenship   |
|of the Shire that Lotho and Sharkey’s plans were not      |
|acceptable, and also to keep up morale.                   |
|                                                          |
| So here’s some keyword occurance data to give you a feel |
|for what CT knows about the Shire, Breeland and Hobbitish |
|matters.                                                  |
|                                                          |
|          The Shire             : 172                     |
|          Shire                 : 260                     |
|          Hobbit(s)/shirefolk   : 390                     |
|          Bywater               : 70                      |
|          Bree                  : 43                      |
|          Buckland              : 30                      |
|          Farthing(s)           : 28                      |
|          Brandywine            : 20                      |
|          Michel Delving        : 18                      |
|          Hobbiton              : 18                      |
|          Longbottom            : 17                      |
|          Stock                 : 16                      |
|          Frogmorton            : 10                      |
|          Staddle               : 8                       |
|          Southlinch            : 7                       |
|          Tuckborough           : 6                       |
|          Buckleberry           : 6                       |
|          Scary                 : 4                       |
|          Waymeet               : 4                       |
|          Tookland              : 4                       |
|          Underhill             : 3                       |
|          Combe                 : 2                       |
|          Tuckburrow            : 2                       |
|          Standelf              : 2                       |
|          Hardbottle            : 2                       |
|          Ranhoth               : 66                      |
|          Mathoms/Mathom        : 39                      |
|          feet/foot(s)/foothair : 63                      |
|          tween(s)              : 22                      |
|          ranger(s)             : 30                      |
|          shirriff(s)           : 23                      |
|          quarry(ies)           : 6                       |
|          lockholes             : 4                       |
|                                                          |
|_________________________________________________________/
,__________________________________________________________.
|                                                       (3)|
|                                                          |
| “But Meril!”, you might say: “I’m a worldly person!, My  |
| interests are far grander then just all this hobbit–ish  |
| nonsense and tomfoolery.”                                |
|                                                          |
| And of course, I would coyly have an answer concerning   |
|the worldliness of CT. He might know about the Shire and  |
|hobbits, but he also knows about things outside the Shire.|
|Ya see, we found out Sharkey might be this mage from      |
|Elsewhere, so CT and us, we’ve been trying to branch out. |
|                                                          |
|               Arda                  : 38                 |
|               man/men(ish)          : 170                |
|               elf(ves/n/ish)        : 157                |
|               magic/wizard(s)/etc.  : 102                |
|               dragon(s)             : 54                 |
|               dwarf(ves/en)         : 44                 |
|               orc(s)                : 25                 |
|               troll(s)              : 18                 |
|               goblin(s)             : 12                 |
|               ent(s)                : 5                  |
|               The West              : 26                 |
|               Rivendell             : 12                 |
|               Rohan                 : 11                 |
|               Tharbad               : 10                 |
|               Grey Havens           : 10                 |
|               Edoras                : 9                  |
|               Lothlorien            : 8                  |
|               Dunland               : 7                  |
|               Minas Tirith          : 6                  |
|               Mirkwood              : 6                  |
|               Adornas               : 5                  |
|               Gondor                : 6                  |
|               Moria                 : 4                  |
|               Mordor                : 3                  |
|               Belegost              : 3                  |
|               Umbar                 : 3                  |
|               Isengard              : 3                  |
|               Calembel              : 2                  |
|               Minas Morgul          : 2                  |
|               Linhir                : 2                  |
|               Annumias              : 1                  |
|               Dol Amroth            : 1                  |
|               Erebor                : 1                  |
|               Dale                  : 1                  |
|               Laketown              : 1                  |
|               Osgiliath             : 1                  |
|                                                          |
|_________________________________________________________/
,__________________________________________________________.
|                                                       (4)|
|                                                          |
| So hopefully at this point you’re conceding that CT is   |
|a bit more worldly then you thought. A question that might|
|come up next though is, “So the paper has been places...  |
|its not just about knowing places, what about people?”    |
|                                                          |
| Well, I can oblige you on that too! The Common Tater     |
|Is fairly well connected, and has mentioned these people  |
|the following amount of times, not that I condone name    |
|dropping... but you did ask.                              |
|                                                          |
|             Sharkey                : 83                  |
|             Lotho Sackville–Baggins: 50                  |
|             Meriadoc Brandybuck    : 26                  |
|             Bilbo Baggins          : 20                  |
|             Marigold               : 16                  |
|             Gandalf                : 13                  |
|             Samwise Gamgee         : 11                  |
|             Farmer Maggot          : 11                  |
|             Melkor                 : 10                  |
|             Barliman Butterbur     : 8                   |
|             Alexa                  : 8                   |
|             Elrond                 : 7                   |
|             Peregrin Took          : 7                   |
|             Farmer Dell            : 5                   |
|             Thranduil              : 5                   |
|             Frodo Baggins          : 4                   |
|             Bill Ferny             : 4                   |
|             Batlin                 : 4                   |
|             Laryn                  : 3                   |
|             Strider                : 3                   |
|             Lobelia Bracegirdle    : 3                   |
|             Smaug                  : 2                   |
|             Dorgy                  : 2                   |
|             Galadriel              : 2                   |
|             Legolas                : 2                   |
|             Damien Dell            : 2                   |
|             Gwaihir                : 2                   |
|             Denethor               : 2                   |
|             Cirdan                 : 1                   |
|             Sauron                 : 1                   |
|             Radagast               : 1                   |
|             Grima Wormtongue       : 1                   |
|             Theoden                : 1                   |
|             Smeagol                : 1                   |
|             Mithrellas             : 1                   |
|             Castamir               : 1                   |
|             Gimili                 : 1                   |
|             Savareth               : 1                   |
|                                                          |
|                                                          |
|   Not to mention the countless adventurers CT Knows!     |
|                                                          |
|_________________________________________________________/
,__________________________________________________________.
|                                                       (5)|
|                                                          |
| So, yeah, CT totally knows about people and places, and  |
|since he knows about those, you can bet on him knowing all|
|about the current events going on in them. That’s what he |
|tends to talk the most about after all.                   |
|                                                          |
| But you might be an anti–people/anti–city type of being. |
|If that’s the case, CT has talked brought up the subject  |
|of animals now and again as well.                         |
|                                                          |
|              animal(s)/beast(s)    : 16                  |
|              sheep                 : 29                  |
|              cat(s)                : 22                  |
|              wolf(ves)/warg(s)     : 21                  |
|              horse/pony(s/ies)     : 19                  |
|              rabbit(s)             : 18                  |
|              fish                  : 15                  |
|              eagle(s)              : 14                  |
|              duck(s)               : 11                  |
|              parrot                : 10                  |
|              oliphaunt(s)          : 9                   |
|              squirrel(s)           : 7                   |
|              deer                  : 6                   |
|              bear                  : 6                   |
|              bird(s)               : 6                   |
|              chicken/rooster       : 6                   |
|              snake(s)              : 6                   |
|              pig/hog/sow           : 5                   |
|              cow(s)/livestock      : 5                   |
|              dog(s)                : 4                   |
|              groundhog             : 3                   |
|              gopher                : 3                   |  
|              chipmunk              : 3                   |
|              quagga                : 3                   |
|              mouse/mice            : 2                   |
|              fox                   : 2                   |
|              zebra                 : 1                   |
|                                                          |
| The Common Tater could start its own zoo! (Or at least a |
|nature preserve.) For that matter, he could have his own  |
|gardens.                                                  |
|                                                          |
|              plant(s)/fauna       : 21                   |
|              forest(s)/wood(s)    : 45                   |
|              tree(s)              : 29                   |
|              flower(s)            : 21                   |
|              rose(s)              : 10                   |
|              grass                : 7                    |
|              lily(ies)            : 6                    |
|              daisy(ies)           : 6                    |
|              daffodil(s)          : 3                    |
|              iris                 : 1                    |
|                                                          |
|_________________________________________________________/
,__________________________________________________________.
|                                                       (6)|
|                                                          |
| What’s that? You’re not really interested in any of that?|
|Well, in that case, there is a category of things that CT |
|is into that I don’t think many people can say they’re    |
|are not. Disposable income, and what gets done with it.   |
|                                                          |
|               gold/silver/coin(s)   : 73                 |
|               jewels/gems/etc.      : 53                 |
|               treasure(s)/riches    : 18                 |
|                                                          |
| The biggest part of spending our well earned income goes |
|to the things that we like most in life, and I think I’m  |
|not generalizing too much to say that I think we all      |
|enjoy a good party with good food and drink, and of course|
|a pipe full of our favorite leaf.                         |
|                                                          |
|               tavern/bar/inn        : 54                 |
|               song(s)/music/sing    : 43                 |
|               party(ies)            : 34                 |
|               pipe(s)               : 54                 |
|                pipeweed etc.        : 79                 |
|                smoke(s)/smoking     : 41                 |
|               food                  : 58                 |
|                tater(s)/potato(es)  : 58                 |
|                mushroom(s)          : 37                 |
|                other vegetable(s)   : 45                 |
|                meal(s)              : 23                 |
|                chocolate            : 22                 |
|                meat                 : 24                 |
|                breakfast(s)         : 17                 |
|                stew/soup            : 15                 |
|                bread                : 14                 |
|                cake/pie             : 12                 |
|                bacon/pork/ham       : 12                 |
|                fruit(s)             : 15                 |
|                dinner/supper        : 10                 |
|                egg(s)               : 9                  |
|                sandwich(es)         : 4                  |
|                cheese               : 4                  |
|                mutton               : 3                  |
|                nut(s)               : 3                  |
|               drink(s)              : 44                 |
|                wine                 : 32                 |
|                beer(s)              : 30                 |
|                ale                  : 26                 |
|                other alcohol        : 26                 |
|                tea                  : 25                 |
|                milk/cream           : 14                 |
|                juice                : 11                 |
|                                                          |
|_________________________________________________________/
,__________________________________________________________.
|                                                       (7)|
|                                                          |
| All evidence about the Common Tater having something to  |
|offer everyone aside, he’s certainly not perfect.         |
|Mistakes and Misprints have been made, and since we’re    |
|on the subject let’s look at some of the more obvious     |
|blunders.                                                 |
|                                                          |
| Times that the paper has advertised that it’s accepting  |
| acticles instead of articles: 28                         |
|                                                          |
| Times the paper has announced it would be editing for    |
| grammer rather then grammar: 18                          |
|                                                          |
| Times Scapegoat’s evil twin Scapgeoat has been credited  |
| for his work: 7                                          |
|                                                          |
| Times Meril was credited on a paper while she was        |
| asleep in cupboard: 3                                    |
|                                                          |
| Times CT advertised about its old HQ after it had to be  |
| moved:  3                                                |
|                                                          |
| Times the paper cutter on the printing press broke down  |
| and papers were published as scrolls : 7                 |
|                                                          |
| Not so much of a mistake, but something Meril wishes     |
| She could have done better is that I42 was something of a|
| greatest hits issue, and yet the articles in it weren’t  |
| really any of her favorites.                             |
|                                                          |
| Kae Bracegirdle was credited with scribing an interview  |
| postmortem. (We published her obituary in I42, and she   |
| was marked as a contributer in I48)                      |
|                                                          |
| Speaking of people who we published obits for that have  |
|shown signs of not being so dead after all... It seems    |
|Java Underhill and Mithgil Snippyshorts might not be as   |
|dead as previously reported. We’re not really sure what   |
|to do with that one. (Qualified Clergy of Mandos, please  |
|contact Miss Softfoot as soon as possible regarding this  |
|matter!)                                                  |
|                                                          |
|_________________________________________________________/
,__________________________________________________________.
|                                                      (8) |
|                                                          |
| *Statisics powered by:                                   |
|                                                          |
http://www.online–utility.org/text/analyzer.jsp          |
|                                                          |
| **Text Gender Analysis powered by:                       |
|                                                          |
http://www.hackerfactor.com/GenderGuesser.php            |
|                                                          |
| The “statistics” contained here–in  are for entertainment|
|purposes only, they are so far separated from context     |
|that they can only be funny.                              |
|                          _                               |
|                          /_)                             |
|                        (8_))}–  .                        |
|                          \_)      ‘.                     |
|                             .––.    .                    |
|            , .–.–,_,       :    ‘. .’                    |
|            )`–.<‘` (        ‘–––’`;                      |
|           /     `\  |             .                      |
|           |       | |          _.’                       |
|            \     / /         .’                          |
|            `=(\ /.=`         ‘                           |
|             `–;`.–’           ‘._                        |
|               `)|     ,           ` ‘ ‘ ‘   ‘  ‘         |
|                ||  .–’|                                  |
|              ,_||  \_,/     You’re such a good listener  |
|        ,      \|| .’         I totally reserved this     |
|        |\|\  , ||/             flower just for you,      |
|       ,_\` |/| |Y_,             Just head over to        |
|        ‘–.’–._\||/               Babushka’s Garden       |
|           <_.–`Y|                  to pick it up.        |
|           ` .–”||”–.                                     |
|             \’––––’/                                     |
|              |:.  |                                      |
|              |::. |                                      |
|             /::::  \                                     |
|           .:::’     ‘.                                   |
|          /:::         \                                  |
|         ;:::’          ;                                 |
|         |:::           |                                 |
|         |:::           |                                 |
|         |:::           |                                 |
|         ;:::           ;                                 |
|         \:::.          /                                 |
|          ‘:::..      .’                                  |
|           `””–––––””`                                    |
|__________________________________________________________/
  
,__________________________________________________________.
|                                                      (9) |
|                                                          |
| Alrighty then. I think I’ve stalled long enough for any  |
|but the most dedicated and intelligent allies of Sharkey  |
|to have either dozed off, turned into stone, gone off to  |
|try to find Ranhoth HQ or burned their copy of this docu– |
|ment. So now I can get to the real point of the release of|
|this issue at this time.                                  |
|                                                          |
| The People of Bree Proper have taken a stand. Last night,|
|Barliman Butterbur, propriator of the Prancing Pony tossed|
|Bill Ferny, a known associate of Sharkey, out of his fine |
|establishment, and then with the help of the other Bree   |
|natives, kicked him out of town.                          |
|                                                          |
| Ferny, of course, has sworn vengeance, and Bree–land is  |
|undergoing fortifications. As of the time of this issue,  |
|I do not have full reports on the exact strength of these |
|new security measures, nor would I publically release such|
|information.                                              |
|                                                          |
| However, these events are certainly cause to call for a  |
|celebration in magnitude that will perhaps rival Bilbo    |
|Baggin’s 111th Birthday Bash.                             |
|                                                          |
| While preperations are made for this however, there is   |
|something you can do to help.                             |
|                                                          |
| Issue 51 of the Common Tater is long over due, and with  |
|the events in Bree, we’d like to take the time to hear    |
|about your reflections on Bree–hill, Bree–landers, Laryn, |
|Jeffrey the Tobacconist, Ratty, the Butterburs, Brand,    |
|Arguindel, Wendel, Aravir and even Bill Ferny, as well as |
|your take on the new defenses and upped guard presence at |
|the gates.                                                |
|                                                          |
| Write up your tales, songs, and articles and send them by|
|     e(agle)mail to:   commontaterT2T@gmail.com           | 
|       by July 20th for publication on July 27th!         |
|                                                          |
| Now that Ferny is no longer threatening the construction |
|crew Ranhoth has on contract to fix up Common Tater HQ,   |
|you can expect it’s opening to the public to be back on   |
|track now as well. For the moment however, bundle wrapped |
|copies of the archives will be avaliable there should any |
|one want to stop by:                                      |
|                                                          |
|         http://www.commontaterT2T.wordpress.com         &nbsp;|
|                                                          |
|    That’s all from me for now. Up Bree! UP THE SHIRE!    |
|                                                          |
| Yours,                                                   |
|                                                          |
|  _____,    ____       /)     /)                          |
| (–| | |   (–(__` _,__//_–/–_//__,__,_–/–                 |
|  _| | |_,  ____)_(_/_/ _/_ _/ (_/(_/_/_                  |
| (         (         /)     /)                            |
|                     `      `                             |
| Meril L. Softfoot                                        |
| Editor, The Common Tater                                 |
|                                                          |
|                      –––~~~*~~~–––                       |
|                                                          |
| The Common Tater is Produced, Sponsored and Distributed  |
|  by Ranhoth, but is made possible by Ardans like you!    |
|                                                          |
|__________________________________________________________/

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~ by Meril Softfoot on June 17, 2012.

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